Monday, October 14, 2013

The hardest part.



Let's be honest. We all want to hit an ace, but it's sorta like losing your virginity.

Good for you - glad it happened - I don't really need to be hit with the dirty details.

I'm a virgin. I've gotten to 3rd base, or whatever hitting the top of the pin and skipping away 50' would be? Might be jerking off for all I know. I've come close, but have not sealed the deal.

When you play lots of rounds, you meet lots of people. Guys join your group, you join others - it's social and people LOVE to talk. Which almost always is great.

Until you meet THAT GUY. The ultimate dick waving braggart. I met THAT GUY as he was wading through a river looking for a disc. One of probably 20 that he'd rained down on a 200' down-hill pin that he'd setup camp on. 

This alone doesn't bother me one bit. I regularly setup on a quiet pin to practice. It was the immediate onslaught of braggadocio that he layed on so thick I could barely breath that bothered me.

He tee'd off with us (throwing about 5 shots in a row) and he had one nice skip that probably put him within 20' feet of the pin. Everybody said "Nice shot" and then somebody in our small group managed to put their shot within 2' of the pin. 

I guess since he didn't have the best shot, he felt the need to expound upon his greatness.

"I'm basically the 2nd ranked player in the state!" he tells me.

"Oh yeah, are you in the PDGA?" I ask politely.

"Nah, I don't have the funds for that." 

"Do you play tags?" I query.

"I will probably do that next year. I've hit 32 aces in the last 18 months... I'm throwing about 600'... but right now I'm just working on getting my mid ranges out to 400'. I've beat pretty much everybody."

Ahhh, I realize that he's the 2nd ranked player in the state... in his mind. Wonderful, it's good to have a positive self esteem. I respond that it's all very impressive and we'll probably be moving on to the next hole and to have a nice day. 

But that was not to be, as he decides to join us with his girlfriend in tow, who is demanding that they go home because she has a headache.

Smash cut to the next and final tee pad. We all tee off at the 375' straight and pretty boring hole. If you can throw flat and get some snap - you're in birdie distance. 

I'll say that his run up was impressive - he was REALLY running up - but he was bombing mid-ranges all over the damn place. Not the skills of a #2 or #200 player in the state... and he threw and threw and threw. Disc after disc after disc. I assume he was under the impression that he was putting on a clinic.

Finally after what seemed like an eternity he winged one that crossed the street that borders this hole and went into a neighbor's backyard.Thank god.

Last I saw, he was knocking on the door - requesting his disc back. Very very impressive dick waving. Not so impressive personal skills.

So long story short, if and when I ever lose my ace virginity - I hope somebody is there to witness it, so that I can discretely pay them $5 for each time they can bring up my world class ace in the future.

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